A few brief thoughts on “Man’s Best Friend with Benefits”

So, last night/tonight’s SPN episode was amazing and we got to learn more about witches, which was very cool. Since I’m sick, but my medicine hasn’t allowed me to sleep yet, I decided to post a few thoughts on the episode here…

Maybe it’s because I just started reading the 2nd Dresden Files book, but I totally kept expecting Harry Dresden to show up, he would’ve fit perfectly into tonight’s episode. I mean, the SPN witches are very close to the Dresden Files witches and Harry being a Wizard and PI, it would make perfect sense for me him to show up. But that’s just my newest addiction bleeding through. Probably.

But in all seriousness, Harry would’ve been helpful and maybe it’s also my strange obsession with crossovers, but I can see it all so perfectly in my head. Come on, tell me it doesn’t make absolutely perfect sense. Anyway.

I loved getting to see into the witch community. We’ve never gotten to do that before and it was very interesting and I loved Portia and her interaction with Sam and Dean… Ah, Dean was so cute when he said “I like dogs,” and I was just shaking my head. Oh Dean. Don’t you ever change. (As a side note, I’m actually pretty damn proud of Dean for not once saying the word “bestiality” in the whole episode…)

I was actually shedding HAPPY tears at the end of this episode. Which, for SPN, is remarkable in and of itself. That’s hardly ever (if ever…) happened. But Dean calling Sam “Sammy” gets me every time and he’s done it a couple of times this season and it makes my heart swell and I just… Aw…

Also, going off on a bit of tangent, but… Sam’s confrontation with Dean about Dean not being able to trust anyone but himself… Okay, first, yeah, Sam’s probably right about that (though I think Dean wanting to protect Sam is a big motivational factor…) but I just was like… “Wait, I… I’m the exact same way. Are you… are you telling me wanting to do something yourself because you don’t trust anyone else to do it right is BAD? Shit…” Seriously. I end up doing shit I don’t want to do, simply because I don’t think anyone else can do it the way it’s supposed to be done. Is that really a bad thing?? I suppose maybe it is. Damn it. Anyway, moving on.

After Dean was all, “I DO trust you,” and everything, I was smiling and my eyes were watering from happy tears… Then Sam started coughing. At first, I was like “Oh look, Sam’s got the same damn flu I do…” Then blood came out of his mouth. And I was like “Shit. What the hell is that?” For half a second, I thought he was gonna say something to Dean, then he just wiped the blood away and was all “I’m good,” and I just screamed “YOU FUCKING LIAR!!”

What the fuck, Sam? What… How long have you been hiding this? What’s going on? Why won’t you tell Dean? I’M SO CONFUSED. Dude, Sam, you JUST got of my “Winchesters I Wanna Punch in the Face” list LAST episode. Now, Dean’s the one off the hook and you’re BACK ON IT. You couldn’t even go a couple of episodes without getting back on my list, could you? DAMN IT. I hate Winchesters. I just hate them. Except Adam. ‘Cos he certainly doesn’t deserve my hate.

That whole “coughing up blood” thing came out of freaking NOWHERE. There were no warning signs, no hints earlier in the episode that something was going on with Sam. Nothing to indicate that we should be suspicious or worry about him and then BAM. Sam’s coughing blood and NOT SAYING A DAMN THING ABOUT IT. What. The. Fuck?

I can’t even wrap my head around this. Is this a result of the “Trials” thing? Has this been happening and he just hasn’t said anything? Is he sick? Is he dying? Did someone put a spell on him? (Hah, actually, a friend came up with a hilarious crack!theory of Amelia being a witch and hexing him… Riot, the dog, was obviously Amelia’s familiar in this scenario… I love my friends.)

*sighs* I guess there really is no way for me to win with this damn show. Supernatural is determined to screw with my head until it explodes from the pressure of the constant mind fucks. Not to mention the emotional TORTURE that the show puts me through. Jeesh.

Remind me again why I watch this show? Oh, right. It’s awesome.

I should be institutionalized.

What “Supernatural” Means to Me

I was going on about the latest Supernatural episode to a friend (who does not watch the show) and halfway through my rather long-winded rant, she just stopped me and asked “Why do you care so much about these people? They aren’t real!”

(In case you’re wondering, she’s not a very GOOD friend…)

Anyway, it actually got me to thinking, because I do talk and talk and talk about these character and about how much it hurts when I see them hurt. Especially last Wednesday’s episode, with Dean giving his customary “I’m totally worthless,” speech again. Honestly, either I’m a masochist or I just have no soul because a sane person would not continue to put themselves in such a position to be hurt again and again.

After thinking (and thinking and thinking) I’ve decided that this show means quite a lot to me for many reasons. I am a fandom nerd, I admit it. I obsess over many fandoms, Supernatural is only one of them. However, it has become the one that I obsess over the most. It’s the one that hurts the most, the one that I get the most excited for and the one I spend the majority of my time annoying friends with.

The thing that attracted me to the show wasn’t the monsters and the fight scenes… It was the characters.

First it was Sam and Dean and their relationship with one another. Their bond, that Die-For-Each-Other love is what makes them so amazing. Those moments whenever I can watch them interacting and smiling and teasing each other…

There are those awful periods where Sam and Dean are fighting, and it just tears at my heart to see them at odds. I get the intense urge to grab then and throw them into a room, telling them they either hug and make up or they die. A lot of this season has had me screaming at my computer screen in anger because of their fighting. Thankfully, the latest episodes are bringing me hope and the direction that things are going is making me very, very happy.

Then there’s John Winchester. A lot of people seem to hate John and claim that he was a bad father, but John was always doing the very best that he could do and he loved no one more than his sons. He wasn’t the best father in the world, but the fact that he tried is what makes me love him so much. Many fathers don’t even do that.

The worst part is, I had always thought that John’s loyalty to family, him drilling that same loyalty and family responsibility into his children… I thought that was because his own father had taught him the same. Then we met Henry and I realized that it was just the opposite. John was so dedicated to his family, because he was striving to be the father he never had.

And it’s not just the Winchesters that have managed to wrap themselves up into my heart. From the moment he was introduced I was in love with Castiel and he only became a more and more compelling and relatable character as the show moved forward.

The thing about Cas that I love so much is the fact that I relate to him so well. I mean, I can find things that remind me of myself in the other characters, but with Cas his struggle with faith, both in himself and in God, was very similar to my own struggles with faith and religion. Something just… clicked with Cas. There isn’t a character on the show I’m more willing to forgive for any wrongdoing than Cas.

I’ve been angry with Sam and Dean for months at a time, but I can’t really ever seem to be too mad at Cas, even whenever he didn’t listen to Dean or when he nearly got them all killed… I just wanted to hug him and tell him it would be okay, but I couldn’t make myself be angry at him.

So… maybe it does sound a little strange to say that I get angry at fictional characters, or that I cry when they’re hurt, or that whenever things are looking up for them I smile, but these characters are so real that I cannot help it. I connect with them, I love them, I hate them and I want them to win and be happy. They’re very real to me. That’s why this show means so much to me. That’s why I care.

A Hollow Fantasy: Sam and Amelia’s “Love”

I haven’t exactly been quiet or subtle about my hatred for Amelia Richardson. Her character is so poorly written and developed that it’s sad and I’m frankly amazed that there are people who like her. I’ve realized, though, that perhaps they like Amelia because of their own image of her in their minds and what she represents: Sam’s happiness.

Unfortunately, I can’t like her based on a few minutes of decent characterization that were soon flushed down the toilet and I refuse to make her into something she isn’t in my mind. Sam’s happiness matters little to me if the character is so poorly characterized that it doesn’t make sense.

I believe Amelia’s lack of characterization is in part due to lazy writing. Instead of giving her a personality and making Sam and Amelia’s love make any sense, they’ve simply put her there to serve as the thing that pulls Sam away from hunting and that’s basically all she does. The romance is not evident and she doesn’t get to have a real personality.

I have a couple of theories as to what exactly is really going on between the two of them…

The first is what I’m want to talk about now: They are not really in “love”

It’s pretty obvious, when you think about it. Sam has lost everything and everyone that has ever meant anything to him. He has no family left, he doesn’t have Bobby, he doesn’t have a way to get into Purgatory for Dean… He’s all alone.

And the one thing he’s always wanted is a normal, safe life. He had that at one point, at the beginning of the series. With Jessica Moore. And after losing EVERYTHING, Sam was desperate to get away from the life that had taken it from him.

Whenever he met Amelia, something in her reminded him of Jessica. Maybe it was the way that she smiled, maybe it was the bit of upfront, doesn’t-take-shit-from-anyone personality she displayed briefly in her first appearance. Whatever it was, it reminded him of happier times.

Their relationship was extremely rushed. Amelia even admits this herself whenever they buy a house together. It makes no sense to rush, seeing as they seemingly have all the time in the world to take things slow and, you know, get to know each other. They aren’t married, so why bother buying a house? Why rush into things?

Because Sam was desperately trying recreate what he’d lost with Jess. Remember, he was planning to ask Jessica to marry him and they were living together.

Amelia reminded Sam of Jessica and what he’d lost in some small way and after losing everything, that was enough for him. He just wanted to snatch hold of that little bit of happiness and never let it go.

“But Amelia loves Sam!” you say.

No. No she does not.

Not only does Amelia show very little actually “love” towards either Sam or Don, but that aside, have you ever stopped to listen to Sam and Amelia’s conversations? How flat they are? How lacking in real emotional depth?

Amelia, like Sam, had very recently had her entire world ripped out from under her. Her husband, who she presumably loved, was dead. She fled from that pain the same way Sam fled from his and whenever she met him, there was something in him and how lost he seemed that she connected with because she was just as lost.

Maybe he even reminded her of Don in some way. Either way, she was just as desperate to have that little bit of happiness. They were each other’s FANTASY.

They were both deluding themselves into believing that they loved one another, when it was so painfully obvious from the way they talked to one another that neither was truly emotionally invested in the other. (It’s particularly obvious in the way they talk to each other after having sex… They both sound so detached it’s like they’ve never met before)

Fantasies are never as good as reality and I think they were both aware of that. But they were unwilling and unable to give up that small bit of normalcy and happiness that they had created inside their own minds.

The reason that the fantasy lasted as long as it did? Because neither had a reason to stop deluding themselves. Don was dead and Dean was gone. Sam had no reason to go back to hunting and Amelia had no reason to not give in to her own fantasy.

Notice how quickly it all shatters whenever Don turns up? Amelia doesn’t look relieved, or even the slightest bit happy that the husband she said she loved so much wasn’t dead. She looks HORRIFIED. Because her fantasy is about to be shattered and Sam’s is going down with it.

Don broke the delusion. Suddenly, reality was breaking through and their “love” didn’t seem so great anymore. I think Sam recognized this and that’s why he decided to “do the right thing” and leave.

If you noticed, he himself didn’t seem so broken up about leaving Amelia. Sam’s the self-sacrificing type, I know, but I’m pretty sure if there had been any REAL love between him and Amelia, he’d have stayed and fought harder. It was more than a sense of doing “the right thing” and letting Amelia be happy (because she clearly didn’t LOOK happy) it was that he realized that his desperate attempt at recreating his former life with Jess had failed.

It’s obvious Sam cared, at least a little, about Amelia. But it wasn’t love, it was something more akin to friendship and most likely because of their mutual losses. Empathy was probably what created most of their “feelings” for each other in the first place.

And despite the fact that the entire relationship was a hollow sham, Sam still longs for that little bit of happiness that his fantasy gave him. So whenever Amelia, likely wanting things to go back to that happy time when she and Sam were blissfully deluded together, shows up and tells him she’ll be with him if he stays… he seriously considers it.

But he doesn’t do it. Because he knows that there is no going back. The illusion has been shattered and he knows, after that last night with Amelia, that there isn’t any way that things will ever be the same as they were.

This explains why they’re so stiff and detached when talking to one another, it explains why Amelia was so, for lack of a better word, flirty (in a painful and annoying way) in that hotel room. It explains why Sam always looks so sad whenever he’s talking to Amelia and it explains why Amelia was so willing to throw away her life with Don so callously.

Supernatural Character Theme Songs

Basically… I got really, really bored and decided to give each character and a few of my favorite pairings a “theme song”, if you will. I made it a bit challenging by limiting myself to only songs from my iPod.

And here it is, along with a sample of lyrics that make me think of each character or pairing. If anyone has any other ideas, or maybe characters they’d like to see here let me know…

Show:

Supernatural: This is War – 30 Seconds to Mars / Carry on Wayward Son – Kansas

–      This is War:
“A warning, to the people,
The good and the evil
This is war,”

–      Carry on Wayward Son:

“Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man,
It surely means that I don’t know”

Characters:

Sam Winchester: Innocent – Taylor Swift

–     “Did some things you can’t speak of
But at night you live it all again
You wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now
If only you had seen what you know now then…”

Castiel: Wide Awake – Katy Perry

–      “Thunder rumbling, castles crumbling
I am trying to hold on
God knows that I tried, seeing the bright side
I’m not blind anymore
I’m wide awake…”

Lucifer: Cowboy Casanova – Carrie Underwood

–      “He’s the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes,
And he only comes out a night
Gives you feelings that you don’t wanna fight
You better run for your life”

Dean Winchester: Citizen/Soldier – 3 Doors Down

–      “Hope and pray that you never need me
But rest assured I will not let you down
I walk beside you, but you may not see me
The strongest among you may not where a crown”

Bobby Singer: What About Me – Keith Urban

–      “Sometimes I can’t help thinking:
What about me?
Some days go by that I don’t even see
I’m doing everything right, and I can’t break free
Is this the way it’s always gonna be?
What about me?”

John Winchester: Stand – Rascal Flatts

–      “When push comes to shove, You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ’til you break, ‘Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up, Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong, Wipe your hands, shake it off,
Then you stand”

Adam Milligan: Ave Mary A – P!nk

–      “Of the chaos around me, The devil that hounds me
I need you tell me…Child be still
If the darkest hour comes, before the light
Where is the light? Where is the light?
If the darkest hour comes before the light
Where is the light? Where is the light? Where is the light?!”

Mary Winchester: Unknown Soldier – Breaking Benjamin

–      Full of fear, never clear
I’ll be here, fighting forever
Curious, venomous, you’ll find me
Climbing to Heaven
Never mind, turn back time
You’ll be fine
And I will get left behind”

Henry Winchester: I Am Human – Brian Buckley Band

–      ‘Cause one day I will speak my goodbyes
One day we will speak our goodbyes
One day I won’t run, I won’t hide
One day, one day…
‘Cause I am human, I am human…
I am human and I will let you down”

Gabriel: Hands Held High – Linkin Park

–      “Risk something, take back what’s yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
‘Cause I’m sick of being treated like I have before,
Like it’s stupid standing for what I’m standing for
Like this wars really just a different brand of war”

Meg: Bad Kids – Lady Gaga

–      “I’m a bad kid and I will survive
Oh I’m a bad kid, don’t know wrong from right
I’m a bad kid and this is my life
Oh now the fact is, don’t know wrong from right”

Ruby: Welcome to Hollywood – Mitchel Musso

–      “I’m so glad I got to know you,
Now I know what I’m supposed to do
(You only think about you)
Friendly faces I’ve been seeing,
Now I know they’re far from being true
(You only think about you)”

Samuel Campbell: Had Enough – Breaking Benjamin

–      “You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve”

Crowley: For Your Entertainment – Adam Lambert

–      “I’m about to turn up the heat
It’s alright, you’ll be fine, Baby, I’m in control
Take the pain, take the pleasure I’m a master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind, let me into your soul”

Pairings:

Destiel: Brighter – Paramore

–      “Well this is not your fault
But if I’m without you, then I will feel so small
And if you have to go,
We’ll always know that you shine brighter
Than anyone does”

Samifer: Gonna Get Caught – Demi Lovato

–      “Don’t say, that you need me
And don’t play these games with my mind
You better get out of my head
‘Cause you’re wasting your time”

Dean/Lisa: Happy Ending – MIKA

–      “This is the hardest story,
That I’ve ever told
No hope, no love, no glory
Happy ending’s gone forevermore”

Sam/Jessica: What Hurts the Most – Rascal Flatts

–      “Still harder, getting up, getting dressed
Living with, this regret
But I know, if I could do it over,
I would trade, give away,
All the words that I’d saved,
In my heart, that I’d left unspoken”

John/Mary: Breathe – Taylor Swift

–      “And we know it’s never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can’t breathe without you, but I have to
Breathe without you, but I have to”

Sam’s Year Without Dean, Take Two

I want to talk a little bit about season eight… Specifically, I want to talk about the fact that Sam didn’t look for Dean and Cas after they vanished.

Now, I know that the writers and producers are saying that this makes sense because Sam has lost everyone he cares about and has no one to turn to, but I’m sorry, I just don’t think this fits with the character of Sam Winchester. Sam might not have anywhere to turn, he might be “Well and truly on [his] own,” as Crowley says at the end of season seven… but Sam tore the earth apart and tracked down demons in his desperation to get Dean out of Hell, so excuse me for doubting he’d just drop everything and run.

I get it, this time is different. This time, there is no Bobby, there is no Ellen or Jo or even Rufus Turner. Sam literally has no one and nothing to really go on to find his brother. However, when Dean was dragged to Hell, Sam eventually figured out that it was pointless to try and get him out and turned his attention toward revenge. He ignored Bobby for months and was on his own apart from Ruby.

Sure, I’m absolutely positive Sam has learned his lesson about revenge and wouldn’t have turned his grief into an excuse to hunt down the rest of the Leviathans or Crowley, but apparently, Sam even skipped the part where he tried to find Dean and was surprised Dean had been in freaking Purgatory for the entire goddamn year.

Sam’s smart, we’ve all seen the proof of that, so I’m pretty sure Sam would’ve been able to put two and two together to get four. He would’ve known that when Dick died, he went to Purgatory and since Dean and Cas vanished after that and Crowley told him the God weapon had a “kick”, Sam could’ve logically concluded that Dean and Cas had been pulled into Purgatory with Dick. That would’ve given him somewhere to start looking.

Of course, as we know, getting into Purgatory is damn near impossible and extremely dangerous and since Bobby’s dead and so is everyone else Sam ever turned to for help, Sam would’ve been stuck. But I’m sure he would’ve spent a few months – or a month at the very least – trying to find some way into Purgatory to get Dean and Cas… Then, coming up empty, he would’ve turned his attention to finding Kevin.

Let’s not forget that Kevin was a 17-18 year old kid whose life has been turned upside down. He’s been kidnapped by Leviathan and now Crowley and Sam wouldn’t have left the kid high and dry, no matter what was going on in his life. At the very least, he would’ve realized that Crowley having a Prophet was very, very bad indeed. The Sam I know would’ve put in his best efforts to find the kid and save him.

So, sorry, Supernatural, but until you give me a better explanation for why Sam just stopped… I’m forced to make up my own and here is what I believe is a passable excuse for what REALLY happened during Sam’s year with Dean gone.

After Dean and Cas vanished, Sam was panicked and alone and had no one to turn to. He was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start. The first few days – a week, maybe – he was probably just running without thinking, drifting. But, given that Sam is not, in fact, an idiot, he would’ve eventually snapped out of it and begun the task of figuring out what the hell happened when Dean and Cas killed Dick.

This would lead to him piecing together that they were most likely trapped in Purgatory. Again, since he was alone, he would’ve done as much research as possible to try and find a way to pull them out. Given how very little anyone knows about Purgatory, he would’ve come up empty.

It could be argued that Sam would then try talking to demons, but I’m positive Sam has learned his lesson about demons and deals just as well as he learned his lesson about revenge. It doesn’t end well, don’t even bother. He may have tried to find someone FROM Purgatory to help him, like the Alpha Vamp, perhaps. That would’ve been his last resort and probably would’ve proven unfruitful. Sam couldn’t have taken him on alone and would most likely have come away empty handed and injured…

At that point, he would’ve realized it was a dead end and there was no way he was getting Dean back. Which would then lead to it finally sinking in that he really was on his own and there was really no hope left in finding his big brother.

After that, Sam wouldn’t have been sure what to do or where to turn. I’d say, between desperately hunting for a way to get to Dean, he’d also been trying to find Kevin since Crowley kidnapped the kid. Which would then lead to Sam tracking down demons, demanding answers. In the state he would’ve been in, alone, broken and desperate, the demons would probably have gotten the upper-hand easily…

In fact, it’s entirely possible that Sam found Crowley, only it was after Kevin had escaped and Sam came away from that encounter lucky to be alive and realizing that Kevin was, at least at the moment, not in danger from Crowley if he had managed to get away and keep himself hidden.

Which would be when Sam, confused, broken and utterly alone in the world, would’ve hit that dog, which would lead to him meeting Amelia and… I dunno, maybe he saw something in Amelia. At that point, Sam knew it was useless. He knew it was over and this life was going to kill him if he didn’t stop. Keep in mind, this would be MONTHS after Dean vanished.

Having the dog would’ve been the first spark of anything truly happy Sam had had in a long time, then he meets Amelia again and for the first time in a long time he feels like smiling and is actually maybe feeling happy. This would be the turning point where Sam decides that it is definitely time to stop. He wants his life back and so he grabs hold of that little bit of happiness and doesn’t want to let it go.

Granted, this would require Amelia to be a far more likeable character than she is, but I suppose she could still the annoying Mary-Sue if Sam was that desperate for some semblance of happiness (and as I’ve said before, perhaps there was just something about her that reminded him of Jessica and so he latched onto that idea. I still maintain that his entire relationship with Amelia was the hollow fantasy of lonely, desperate man.)

That, my friends, is far more believable (to me) than Sam just dropping everything and quitting right then and there. Because I’d like to think I know Sam Winchester very well and it’s just not very much like Sam to give up without even trying.