Archive for March, 2013

So, I’ve been thinking an awful lot about this season lately and since most of today has been taken up with Doctor Who (Moffat, you seriously are ruining my emotions) and I’ve been dwelling too much on huge schemes and plans only sadistic writers can possibly come up with… My brain has gotten a bit derailed.

But last week’s episode, “Freaks and Geeks”, was surprisingly not traumatizing (my friend says that’s because they’re trying to lull us into a false sense of security) and that promo made me literally jump off the couch and gape at the TV… I just can’t stop thinking about where this season is going.

Now, I’m not predicting anything, mostly because I hate to try and predict what’s gonna happen – what if I’m right and I totally spoiled it? Or if I’m wrong and disappointed? – I’m not the best at self-restraint and let me tell you, I’ve gone over dozens of ways that Supernatural will end (for good, that is).

But for now, I’m just gonna focus on this particular season.

It has been brought to my attention that the finale is to be titled “Sacrifice”. What with the trials for closing Hell going on right now, that does not make me optimistic. At worst, it means that either Sam or Dean is going to die again (I simply refuse to accept Castiel’s death being the ‘sacrifice’ in question) and at best… at best they’re talking about a sacrifice that has nothing to do with death.

Since this is Supernatural, that’s almost an impossibility.

Now, I’ve never been one to just give up on a TV show. To date, the ONLY show I was once obsessed with and stopped watching is CSI and I gave the show a running chance before finally losing interest. However, I have to say that I’ll probably be upset if season 8 ends with Sam or Dean dying again – especially if it’s Dean.

Hear me out, this isn’t because I don’t like them dying. I mean, I don’t, but I know they’ll come back so that’s not the issue. The issue is that it’s been done as the finale SO MANY TIMES. Season 3 – Dean’s dragged to Hell. Season 4 – Cas is exploded by Raphael.Season 5 – Sam jumps in the Cage. Season 6 – Castiel absorbs the Leviathans. Season 7 – Dean and Cas are sucked into Purgatory.

If Dean dies at the end of this season, I will be pissed. Because he died last season and the guy deserves a freakin’ break, okay? If Sam dies, I may be more lenient (strange, coming from a SamGirl) but that depends on exactly why and how his death happens. Honestly, the whole “Let’s end the season with Sam or Dean dead” thing is a bit done, ya know? I want to see something different this season. And that doesn’t mean I want Cas to die, because I swear, if THAT happens, I’ll put a fist through my TV screen.

Now, as far as closing the Gates of Hell goes… It might sound awful, but I want them to lose. I do not want them to be able to close the Gates of Hell, I do not ever want the Gates of Hell sealed off. They lose so many potential bad guys and it would also mean the loss of Crowley and the impossibility of Lucifer ever coming back and also, it would mean Adam is permanently trapped down there. I can’t accept those ideas as fact. I refuse.

Since they discovered the tablet and Kevin told them about the possibility of sealing Hell, my friend Beth has been adamant that it’s all a trap that’ll actually open the Cage. I’d love for that to happen because, holy Hell, imagine the awesomeness that would ensue. Of course, I’m doubtful of that being the case, but a girl can dream, right?

I mean, even if they can close Hell off, I want there to be serious repercussions. This cannot come without a heavy price and, as I said, I’m not overly fond of the price being Sam or Dean’s life… Or Cas’.

I flipped around the possibility of the “Sacrifice” in question being that Sam (because he’s the one doing the trials) having to literally sacrifice someone he loves. If that’s true (shit, think of how awesome yet awful that’d be) Dean would be the best candidate, but I think I’d love for it to be Amelia if that were the case. (And yeah, that’s probably because if my intense hatred of that annoying totally-not-a-fucking-unicorn Mary-Sue.)

Anyway, just a little bit of my own musings about this year’s finale… I’m excited for it, but dreading it as anyone should dread a season finale of Supernatural. I really hope they don’t end with Sam or Dean dying, but I’m sure as Hell not gonna say that if it happens I’ll never watch the show again. Supernatural always finds new ways of surprising me and I’m sure this finale will be no different.

We first met you way back in season one, and everyone knew you were one of the bad guys…


You were the smartass, super-awesome villain who nearly got Sam and Dean killed and we were all a bit relieved whenever they finally exorcised you.

We all remember when you clawed your way out of Hell to get revenge on the Winchesters and possessed poor Sammy to do it…


Secretly, we all kind of loved that, even if we pretended to be upset about it.

We remember you coming back again in season 5, in a brand-new body, but the same snarky-smartass awesomeness that we’d come to expect from the previous years of your work…


We remember you disappearing for a while after Lucifer was shoved back into his Cage, but then you showed up again, running from Crowley and needing help. We remember you turning to the Winchesters because you had no other choice and we certainly remember that kiss with Castiel before you fought of Hellhounds to give Sam and Dean more time…


We remember you helping take care of Cas while he was broken and even helping Sam and Dean fight off the Leviathans…


Not that you got any thanks for that.

And we’ll always remember when Crowley’s demons came and took you away. We didn’t get any explanations and for the longest time, we thought you were dead.

Now, we remember that you suffered a year of torture and still held out because you’re just that awesome.


We remember you having a truly honest conversation with Cas about your feelings, of all things. We remember you actually caring about what was going on with Sam and Dean.

We remember you fighting off Crowley so that they could escape with the tablet and hopefully bring down the King of Hell…

Goodbye Stranger

And we will always remember you, Meg. Even though we never learned your real name, we will never forget the way you changed, the things you did and the awesome, smartass demon that you were. You were proof that not ever demon is evil and we will remember.

First off, that opening sequence made me nearly scream out loud. All those dead Deans everywhere… And Cas killing him. It nearly ripped my freaking heart out. I just… Oh my gawd, there were literally THOUSANDS of dead Deans just… just lying there and Cas had killed them ALL. He was like a freaking terminator. It was like soulless Sam only, much much worse.

And things only got even worse whenever Sam and Dean met up with Cas and he was all… not-Cas. I hate watching Cas act like not-Cas and I want to kill Naomi. Brutally. With a chainsaw. And boiling acid. Plus maybe a kraken and I’ll need a light saber and I’d love the practice the Cruciatus curse on her. And maybe hit her with Thor’s hammer and use Captain America’s sheild to bash her ribcage in. Point is, I hate her. A lot.

And of course Dean finally realizes there is something wrong with Sam and finds the bloody napkin. I knew he wasn’t going to take long to figure it out and I’m still pissed at Sam for hiding it, but more importantly, what Cas said is freaking me out. “Damaged in ways even I can’t heal” What? WHAT? *eye twitch*

I’m so glad that Dean finally noticed, and I’m still a bit pissed off at Sam for not telling Dean. I kinda wanted to punch him when he was all “I’m totally fine” Yeah, sure you are Sam. People cough up blood constantly because they’re totally healthy. STOP LYING. Damn it, Sam, you’re not an idiot. Dean’s not an idiot. You should’ve realized you couldn’t hide that from him.

And Meg! Meg!! I was so freaking happy to see Meg again and I wanted to hug her and she was there and it was wonderful. Much as I love her, I hated her flirting with Cas because… dang it, Meg, get your own angel, Dean’s already laid claim to Cas! I mean, her talk with Cas was awesome and I loved her flirting, but… Cas flirting back was just… no. Sorry, but I couldn’t help but scream “STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!” Heh.

Ahem. Anyway. Meg’s little heart-to-heart with Sam was adorable and sweet and I was actually loving it. It’s nice to see the almost human side of Meg. Then she compared Amelia to a fucking unicorn and I wanted to scream. AMELIA IS NOT SOME FUCKING SPECIAL, WONDERFUL WOMAN. SAM QUIT HUNTING YEARS AGO AND WAS IN LOVE WITH JESSICA!! AMELIA ISN’T THE FIRST CHICK! Hell, Dean quit hunting when he was with Lisa. She’s not fucking special, SPN writers, stop trying to make me think so. Don’t ever mention her again or I’ll break something.

*deep breath* Anyway.

I gotta admit, I loved Crowley being pissed about Sam killing the Hellhound. Though I totally expected him to be more pissed, I guess he was more preoccupied with the Angel tablet and everything. Still. That part made me grin a bit. I’ve got a weird fascination with Hellhounds and kinda cried a little whenever Sam had to kill Crowley’s Hellhound. I knew Crowley wouldn’t take that well…

I think the scene with Cas nearly killing Dean broke me a little. Or a lot. I was screaming at the TV. I wanted Cas to kill that fucking bitch. Why the hell isn’t Naomi dead. Why does she exist? How does she know Crowley? WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING AND WHAT DID SHE DO TO CAS? CAN WE PLEASE KILL HER ALREADY???

Crowley showing up surprised me. Meg facing him and letting Sam get Dean and escape surprised me… Cas vanishing with the tablet shocked the hell out of me.

Crowley killing Meg broke my already shattered soul.

C-Can I please pretend that part didn’t happen? I mean… maybe… maybe she’s okay. Maybe she was just faking dead. Maybe…maybe … *sobs*

Fucking Supernatural. How dare you bring back the awesomeness that is Meg and KILL HER? Bastards. I mean, not that I wanted Crowley to die, but COME ON. Meg can’t be dead. That didn’t happen. She’s okay. She has to be okay. Please let her be okay.

*sobbing pathetically*

I hate this show. Goddamn it.

My little sister asked me, after I had finished the episode and was screaming about the pain, why I don’t just stop watching it.

I don’t have a real answer. Other than the fact that I’m a sick, sick person and I’m apparently a masochist. There is no other reason for me to put myself through this. Goddamn it, SPN, you’re not even pretending anymore are you? You’re just determined to kill me, aren’t you? WE WON’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. STOP IT. STOP.

Who the hell am I kidding. SPN fans are hooked. We’ll come back for more pain every time. We’re screwed up like that. It’s an abusive relationship…

(Note: Yes, I have this same babbling rant posted on my fanfiction profile… But It’s been a while since I posted anything on this blog so there ya go)

Swan Song, as I’m sure you guys know, is the culmination of Eric Kripke’s story about Sam and Dean Winchester and the season 5 finale of Supernatural. It isn’t the end of Supernatural because the show was picked up for a sixth (then seventh and eighth) season. However, it is where Eric Kripke (the evil genius behind Supernatural and Sam and Dean) intended for the story to end.

Everything from the pilot episode forward had been leading to that episode, the ultimate climatic bang to end all climatic bangs. Watching the show as I did (in order from the pilot episode forward without skipping a single episode and cramming half a season into a day) I could feel the suspenseful buildup as the story progressed. It was always, to me, a much larger story than just Sam and Dean hunting monsters. Whether or not other fans felt that, I don’t know because I was not there from day one (a fact I totally regret, but in my defense, I never heard of the show until it was in its third or fourth season anyway!). They probably did, and in fact, probably felt it more powerfully than I did considering they watched it all spaced out over years. The same way the suspense was super powerful reading “Deathly Hallows” for those of us fans who’d been reading the series most of our lives.

Back on point, I’m not complaining so much as I am babbling on about my fangirl emotions and how Kripke killed them. Before I discovered Supernatural, I maintained that Steven Moffat was perhaps the most evil producer/writer in all of fandom. Even more sadistic than the brilliant JK Rowling, Moffat had ripped my heart out, killed off characters, made me cover my eyes in fear and given me nightmares thanks to Doctor Who and Sherlock.

Then, however, I watched Supernatural. Now, I’ve already established that I get emotionally attached to characters. Otherwise, I don’t watch the show. And yes, I have cried watching TV shows and movies. But never have I cried in the first goddamn season before.

Most TV shows follow a certain pattern that words. In season one, they introduce the characters, give you time to know them and fall in love with them. To care about them and their lives. Occasionally, they’ll throw in a few deeper, more emotional episodes to make you connect faster, but for the most part, the emotional wringing doesn’t start until season two. Now, in season two, I’ve found that most TV shows go for broke and decided that now that you love the characters they’re gonna make you watch while they brutally rip their lives apart.

So if/when I cry watching a TV show, it has NEVER happened before season two. Ever. Not in Criminal Minds, not even in Torchwood. (I came very close in Cyberwoman, but I still did not actually cry). But I remember very vividly crying while watching Supernatural.

It wasn’t in the first episode (though Jessica’s death was like BAM and freaked me out a little). But it was still in season 1. Specifically, it was in the episode “Shadow” when Sam and Dean are discussing what they’d do if they finally killed the demon that had killed their mother and Jessica. Sam was talking about how he’d go back to school and finally be able to relax and have a normal life. Dean seemed surprised and said that they couldn’t just quit hunting when there was more evil out there to kill. Then Sam asked Dean what he wanted out of life, telling him that there had to be something that he wanted once their hunt for revenge was finally over. Dean’s answer… Dean’s answer was that he didn’t want Sam to leave him after their hunt was over, he wanted Sam and their dad and him to be together again like they had been when they were kids.

*chokes on sobs*

For real? That had me in tears, honestly. Not, like, bawling my eyes out, sobbing ’til my lungs hurt but still, I was crying. And I’m not usually that easy of a crier. AND IT WAS ONLY SEASON 1!!! They only get more emotionally taxing as the show goes on.

Season two and three gave me about 10 episodes combined of tear-jerking awfulness (not to mention I literally screamed and covered my eyes at the season 3 finale) and season 4 had me laughing at stupid, silliness that Supernatural is often known for and then scrubbing away tears in the next goddamn second! The same freaking SCENE!

By the time I got to season 5 I was familiar with the pain the show dished out constantly. I was used to it. I figured there was nothing worse they could throw at me after the season 4 climax (which ripped out my HEART!).

Then I watched season 5 and realized that I was oh so wrong. Now, most of the season was, as per usual, peppered with emotionally ruining damnation. I cried just like I always cried, but I was so not expecting that season 5 finale. In context, I knew that season 6 and 7 were already finished and (at the time) they were gearing up for season 8 in a few months. So I knew that Swan Song wasn’t really where it all ended.

But that didn’t help me because I also knew that it was where the show was supposed to end.

Swan Song was an emotional rollercoaster of bad. Not that the episode was bad, it was an amazing episode by all points. But it killed me. Right from the beginning I was crying, just shaking my head and not even bothering to hide the tears (and I was watching in a public place people!!). I just sat on the edge of my seat, listening to Chuck’s stupid voice over and wanting to rip his throat out.

Seriously, the episode was bad enough without Chuck’s stupid commentary making me sob when nothing sad was even happening!! When he said “they were never, in fact, homeless” and started talking about how they’d sit on the Impala and stare at the stars I was just sobbing my eyes out.

Every single part of the episode was specifically designed to make me want to kill myself. All the Dean angst, the Sam angst, Lucifer and Michael’s confrontation. I could hardly bring myself to smile when Dean pulled up in the Impala and interrupted their epic battle. I think a little bit of me died when Lucifer exploded Cas and broke Bobby’s neck.

And then, after all the awfulness and all the pain, Sam jumps into the pit and Michael and Adam go with him and it closes and I’m sitting there, mouth open like some kind of idiot, tears still dripping down my cheeks and Chuck starts talking AGAIN. About how endings are hard and they have to add up to something and how he thought it was all a test and they had passed. I was blubbering again and screaming “Fuck you Chuck! Shut up and stop talking you ass!”

Then they’d cut to Chuck, sitting in his little house at his little desk, smiling all self-appreciatively at the end of the WORST STORY EVER and then he fucking vanishes and my brain exploded.

It took me an entire minute to put together the implications of Chuck’s magical disappearance. Then I realized “fuck you” was a bit too kind. What I really wanted to do to him was rip his freaking heart out and give it to Lucifer to play with. Damn it, Chuck! You cannot play with my emotions like that! It’s not FAIR!

Do you guys realize that THAT was the END? That was where Kripke intended for the story to STOP? With Sam in Hell and Dean no longer hunting, just being broken and sad with Lisa and Ben? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED ME??

From the very beginning, I was in love with these characters. I cared so much that I cried just whenever they started to talk about their feelings. I would hang on to every word and hated having to stop watching for things like sleep and eating because that meant I had go any length of time in suspense over what came next. And THAT was where he ended it? THERE? With THAT emotional rape? Not cool.

It is for this reason that I maintain that Eric Kripke is by far, more evil than Steven Moffat. He knew what he was doing, he did it on PURPOSE. He wanted to hurt me (not me specifically, but me as in fangirls) he probably even laughed manically at all the tears his creations had caused. Even Moffat has never elicited such a powerful, emotional reaction from me (though “The Angels Take Manhattan” certainly came close). Damn you Eric Kripke, damn you. You broke my feels.

As many of you should be aware, on this day, March 1, 1978 God decided to break the hearts of millions by creating perfection in human form and called it Jensen Ackles.

So, in honor of Jensen’s 35th birthday, I’d like to wish him a very happy, wonderful birthday and say that it is in no way creepy that I have over 30 pictures of him on my laptop alone. (And I refuse to reveal the number of photos I have of Jared. That’d just make everyone uncomfortable.)

Anyway, since it’s Jensen’s birthday I’m just going to ramble on a bit about how much I hate him. No, seriously. Jensen is just too damn perfect and it hurts so much and I think I might cry just thinking about how unfair life is and how he has, for the past several episodes of Supernatural, made me cry like a baby.

This madness has to stop, Jensen. Stop being so perfect. Stop being so awesome. Now. I’m a SamGirl and I am telling you, right now, STOP HURTING MY FEELS. It’s undignified the amount of tears I’ve shed thanks to you these past few weeks.

Jensen’s probably one of my favorite actors. He’s just… There aren’t words for how amazing he is. But it’s not fair. No one should be allowed to be this perfect and talented and wonderful. (As a note: I want Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki, Mark Sheppard to know that they too are just too perfect for their own good.)

Anyway, I’ll keep this short.

Here, on my tiny, sad little WordPress blog, I declare my undying love and support of Jensen (in case it wasn’t already clear) and wish him a happy birthday!

But seriously, look at this face and tell me it wasn’t created with the sole intent of breaking hearts:

Clearly, God is a woman.

Clearly, God is a woman.